this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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