Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
