I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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