I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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