I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
