duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
