I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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