3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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