I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
