Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
