well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
