Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
pop tarts are not kleenex
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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