Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I love you. Go after that dick
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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