he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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