i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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