i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
