Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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