Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
