So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
