Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
