im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
