Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
