I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
