1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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