I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
