I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
