On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
