DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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