i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
