dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
