Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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