I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Randomize
