i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm both gender and math confused
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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