Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
