Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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