dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
