lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
