WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
