How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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