This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
