my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i love accidental penises.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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