writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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