Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
