I hate all girls vehemently.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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