Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
