he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
