This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
from now on my penis is your penis
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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