Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
