Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
