go do what you do best...puke behind churches
wanna go halves on a baby?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
