Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
