There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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