I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
