WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
