Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
