you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
